here in lies a tale of journey to a distant yet majestic city, a windy city..chicago.
the players:
brady: a young lass with a passion for roadtrips
kumi: college friend of brady, hellbent on moving to far off lands.
mika: daughter of kumi, is seven.
velvet: loveable cat with a delayed meow problem
momo: another cat, hates sunlight, possibly a vampire
uhaul truck: driven by brady, highly annoying
with a special guest appearance by:
chipper mcdouche: nebraska state patrol

day one: nebraska likes to rock!
previous to venturing out into the wild unknown, i had loaded many an album onto my ipod in preparation for 6 hours of country music, jesus, and really old oldies stations that were likely to cross paths with the fm radio of said uhaul truck. all i shall say is this....whoever has been incessantly whining about how boring the drive across nebraska is has never driven through western kansas. seriously, you bitches are pansies. at least nebraska actually has things to look at, rather then a flat dustbowl as far as the eye can see, and it actually has towns along the way?? my oh my. (most of this post shall be the crazy songs i heard on the radio as i drove alone in the truck for two straight days) who knew i would find the likes of bohemian rhapsody, whitesnake, journey and that you spin me right around song? damn. pleasingly, nebraska has much more than three radio stations. praise jesus!! however, i've learned something in this state of corn husking. don't speed, even a little, ever. cruising along at perhaps 4 miles over the speed limit (maximum really) my little uhaul truck got pulled over by chipper mcdouche. and yes, his name really was chipper. to which i nearly snort laughed in his face. luckily, chipper was having a good day and therefore only gave me a "warning" for speeding. gee thanks chipper, you're a real doll. thus, i developed a paranoia of law enforcement vehicles for the duration of the state as they seemed to be everywhere. every compact car in my mirrors was obviously another crown victoria. le sigh. let's also stop to mention here that being able to see directly through a back window is a luxury i've taken for granted all these years...overestimating the fabulous gas mileage of the truck, brought on a cameo by the low fuel light. heart racing, concocting a scheme to coast as long as possible, i would like to thank the small town of paxton for coming to my aid in my time of need, appearing on the horizion like a lighthouse to guide my way. eventually, we reach lincoln, and kumi not being a hardcore driver like i, desides we must stay the night here. well alright then fine. we find a hotel and head off in search of sustinance....we find "great scott's! food court" which may be the best food court name ever. inside are five different fast food restaurants all connected by a rather lengthy counter, run by only two ladies. i shall never again complain about how crappy my job is.

day two: can you please tell that hog on the side of your truck to put its teets away, they are making me queasy
we wake up bright and early to pack and must retrieve the cats from under the beds. this involves moving the mattresses out of the way, we catch one, and start on the next suddenly realizing momo has been sleeping under a den of filth. yes oh yes, between the matress and the boxspring we find a plethora of dirty magazines, to which kumi and i cover up quickly so the little one's eyes won't pry. have to admit i was having visions of the movie four rooms and pulling up the bed to reveal a dead hooker underneath so the pictures of tatas were kind of a relief...as nebraska likes to rock, iowa and illinois enjoy cheesy early 90s music (i.e. savage garden) 80s rockouts, and good oldies from the 60s. once more the ipod stayed packed up. randomly stopped at the same gas station as my ladie friends which was freaky. then we ate subway. apparently momo had been screaming bloody murder in the front seat while the sun entered her carrier. furthermore she only comes out at night. thus we decided she is of the undead. iowa for the most part was pretty uneventful. sorry iowa. while leaving the state, i began chortling as "they're coming to america" came on just as i was crossing the mighty mississip. what shall i say about illinois? hmm. in the citizens of illinois like to drive at least 20 over the speed limit. this is scary in a large city that i've never been to in a foreign vehicle, without a map, not really knowing where i'm going. failing to note a small w in kumi's directions i went off in the wrong direction, hit a traffic jam and got thoroughly turned around. needless to say once i finally made it to la quinta, the truck and i were no longer friends. strangely enough we ate whole foods for dinner, and had some fosters too, best beer ever.

day three:"we must look like lesbians or something"
we awake to take mika to her first day of school sans backpack or anything useful in general. oh sorry not all the medical records are current even though really everything is in order but you did it in another state and therefore still have to go see a doctor before you enroll. gah. so mika will have to spend the day with us while we unload the truck. this was not the plan. the storage unit is located on the third floor. they give you giant dollies, but it is still a royal pain in the ass. mika, like all little kids, begins to get cranky, bored and starts pouting all over the place. thank god i don't have a kid i think to myself. after several hours we are done, return the uhaul who i send off with the bird. i have been wearing my "varsity photo" shirt all day as it is funny. kumi decides she shall wear hers too. now we are looking spectacular. after a short trip to the doctors, mika starts calling us her two moms. we summarily get the creeps. *special note: if you ever see a grocery store called dominicks you can use your safeway card there. good to know.

day four: this is the end...
we awake at the ungodly hour of five traveling to the mysterious o'hare airport. we think we should be able to find it, but we are not sure. kumi is already having a coniption about the ridiculous amount of traffic. best get used to it. we park so she can see me off inside and mika is being a little crap. she is tired and thus refuses to exit the car. kumi pulls her out and we begin walking hurridly toward the shuttle bus. after looking behind, mika is moving slothlike. after numerous demands to hurry up, she is drug onto the bus against her will. she then stomps to the back so as she will not have to sit with "us." you are so being seven. ugh. anyway we say our goodbyes as kumi will now be left alone in a city she's never been too. hopefully she will find a job today, while the wee stinker is off at school. also, i hope they don't kill each other. hahha.