i've never felt that i don't belong anywhere. should i stay or should i go? the age old question. there's no job for me here, who knows if there'll be one there. i'm paying rent here, i'll have to pay rent there. i gotta save up for journeys. road trips. gigantic californian rock shows. basically i'm just fucking afraid. afraid of the unknown. home is safe. and it used to contain tons of people that loved me. but most of them have left. why the hell can't i just let go.
in the past two days i've parted with a good portion of my childhood. gonna sell it. i don't want it to be a burden on anyone. really, it was mostly just crap anyway. am i mostly just full of crap? telling lies, putting on a facade? how do you get strong enough? to the point where all your plans have all ready been reached. i can't even seem to paint. i need advice. no one wants to lend it. because this is my life. i've never been in charge of it before. 21 years of someone telling me what is best for me. i'm so useless. i can't even cry. great.